Adult Sexual Grooming
The signs. The predators. Recognise it. Fight it.
On this page:
What is sexual grooming
The psychology of adult sexual grooming
Articles and examples
Sources of support
Coming soon
Groomers groom for all kinds of reasons.
Sexual grooming is the wanton act of persuading someone into a sexual relationship purely for the thrill of persuading someone into a sexual relationship they would not normally have had, or as a means to get them to part with something else.
This might be information, access to their children, access to their business, information, money (although some financial grooming isn’t also sexual grooming.)
The Psychology of Adult Sexual Grooming
Sexual groomers study their victims. They play a long game - they often take their time getting to know all about them. Faced with this level of preparation, their targets barely stand a chance (and may not even know, until years later, what happened.)
These seven stages of adult grooming are, according to The Psychology of Adult Sexual Grooming: Sinnamon’s Seven-Stage Model of Adult Sexual Grooming:
victim selection;
research;
creating personal connection (building trust);
meeting needs, establishing credentials;
priming the target;
instigating sexual contact;
controlling the victim.
Of course, this sometimes breaks down. The perpetrator then usually moves on to a new victim, or goes back to earlier stages of the plan to re-establish trust (stages 3-5).
Adult Groomers…
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Georgia Bilham/'George Parry' : Catfish convicted
Georgia Bilham, 21, showed little remorse over tricking a young woman into a relationship - she was seen smiling and waving as she left court over accusations that she sexually abused a visually-impaired 19-year-old girl who believed she was a boy.
Bilham admitted to posing as a man by the name of “George Parry” on Snapchat in 2017, but denies all charges.
The prosecution claimed Bilham sexually assaulted the teen on the basis that she wasn’t able to give true consent: their relationship was based entirely on a lie - both the catfishing and the gender deceit proved that.
However, for some reason, she was still cleared of the majority of charges she faced — including eight counts of sexual assault and eight counts of assault by penetration.
Updated: Sentenced
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Jonathan 'Jonny' Creswell
Jonny Creswell is the man behind the murder of Katie Simpson, showjumper.
Katie’s murder was the almost inevitable end of a story that saw Cresswell abuse woman after woman.
It’s the story of blind eyes turned. Of failure to investigate. Of an almost cult like charisma that blinded people to Creswell’s chaotic, uncoventional lifestyle, coercion and control.
Read more: The Metro, Murder Framed as Suicide
CAAGe Review: Death of a Showjumper
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Bob Lambert aka Bob Robinson
Bob Robinson, 29, real name Bob Lambert 35.
Jacqui, former animal rights activist (turned suburban middle class woman) was groomed by police officer Bob Lambert into a relationship, in covert operations whih overstepped the mark by miles.
Alrhough she won a substantial settlement for Lambert’s actions, nothing can replace her lost time, or the fact that she was in love with him, enough to have a child to the man she was deliberately lead to believe was a fellow activist, Bob Robinson.
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Solicitor Anthony Ray
Despite being known to ‘catfish’, and having lied to at least seven women, Anthony Ray has been allowed to continue as a lawyer by the Solicitors Regulation Authority.
One of his victims, however, lost her job for speaking out.
Read more: Mail on Line
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Sajjad: The friend who wasn't s safe as he seemed
Australian lawyer Lara Hall went to Pakistan to see if her ‘online’ love could be something more.
It turned out to be a lot more than expected - and not in a good way.
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James Scott aka Gregg Wilson
A ‘firefighter’ apparently called James Scott was really Gregg Wilson. He neglected to mention to his fiancee that he had a wife and children, and lied about having a vasectomy, getting her pregnant.
And topped it off with an admitted £100,000 of fraud.
Jailed for six years, the whole, sorry story has been serialised by the BBC: Lovebombed.
High profile adult grooming cases to watch
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The Epstein/Maxwell case
For years Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell groomed and abused countless women and girls.Deliberately courting powerful, wealthy and famous people, they operated in plain sight for many years.
Epstein is dead.
Maxwell is in prison but seeking pardon.
Overlooked by the media, many of the women were adults when they were groomed into this pyramid scheme of sexual abuse.
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Spycops
Although ‘Spycops’ enquiries cover a far broader remit, and there are many other forms of abuse perpetrated by undercover policing unit, the SDS, police in this case groomed women into relationships to access campaign and protest groups.
The heartache, worry and devastation that they left on the lives of people fighting for a better world is where our concern at CAAGe lies.
The most exepensive enquiry in BRitish history has been underway for over a decade in a story shrouded in secrecy and raising questions way beyond our remit at CAAGe.
On this page, we have focussed primarily on ‘pure’ sexual grooming, grooming with no apparent motive beyond sex and perhaps power.
There is a strong intersection, of course, with grooming for other reasons. Some of these include…..
Useful information
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The role of dating sites/apps
The role of dating sites in grooming is probably overstated, as other types of grooming may not be recognised as such.
However, the galling thing about dating sites/apps is that they have it in their gift to prevent some grooming, but choose not to act.
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Swipe Right, Look Twice
Audio documentary looking into how sexual predators find victims on dating apps, why it is impossible to permanently ban serial offenders from these platforms and how reporting them to the police can sometimes be almost impossible.
Hosted on Spotify.
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Narcissist traits and behaviours to look out for in a partner
Article by CAAGe Lead Counsellor Wendy Gregory, Narcissist Traits to Look Out for, published in Cosmopolitan, September 2022
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Arrest him for theft
This poem was written by someone who has been sexually groomed and faced the consequences of naming her groomer, albeit accidentally, and the consequent reactions of friends and family, but mostly of the police reaction.
Sources of Support
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Sources of counselling support:
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To find your IDVA , search on line using the term “how to find an IDVA” plus the area you are in.
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Victim Support has created a useful leaflet: What is an ISVA?
To find your ISVA , search on line using the term “how to find an ISVA” plus the area you are in.
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CAAGe: How to Find Legal Support
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Live Fear Free, provided by the Welsh Government, offers help and advice to anyone experiencing sexual violence, supporters and practitioners: Live Fear Free
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Sources of mental health support:
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For those times when you need to know for a fact….
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Rape Crisis England & Wales (RCEW) is a charity working to end sexual violence and abuse.
It supports the work of Rape Crisis Centres across England and Wales. and raises awareness and understanding of sexual violence and abuse in all its forms.
Rape Crisis Centres offer services by women, for women and girls, but fully acknowledge men and boys also experience rape and sexual violence and abuse.
Tel 0808 802 9999
More than half their Rape Crisis Centres offer specific services to men and/or boys. If a man or boy contacts a Rape Crisis Centre that does not offer direct services to male survivors, he will be treated with empathy and respect, and signposted towards his nearest appropriate services.
Please note that it is being widely publicised that there is a long wait list due to inadequate funding of the service.
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Men's Advice Line: A confidential helpline for men experiencing domestic violence from a partner or ex-partner (or from other family members) Tel: 0808 801 0327
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THE NHS has a comprehensive list of SARCS across the country: SARCs
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Make sure you haven’t contracted anything
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Specialist helpline for survivors of sexual abuse - free and confidential for any survivor anywhere in the UK and Ireland that feels like they need to discuss what happenedor simply call for a chat. Helpline run by volunteers.
Free, confidential helpline: 08088 010 818
Monday – Thursday: 10am-12.30pm, 1.30pm-3pm & 6pm-8pm
Friday: 10am – 12.30pm & 1.30pm – 3pm
Saturday: 10am – 12.30pm
Sunday: 6pm – 8pm
Bank holidays: 10am – 12.30pm
Text Service: 07860 022 956
Videos - legal debate, CLRNN
Note these are high level academic debates on potential changes to the law
Why consent matters
The legal perspective
Coming soon:
Further articles and examples
Legal position
More sources of support
Legal changes needed to protect victims
Policing and reporting