Groomed Men not Seeking Support
What does our data tell us about men who·ve been groomed?
Far fewer men than women have contributed to our research into grooming.There are lots of reasons for this, but the headline, we suspect, is something we already know.
Men don’t reach out for help.
They don’t contact their doctors as much.
They are more likely to commit suicide.
Despite a relatively small sample, where some conclusions were hard to draw or might be a sign of our own bias, we took a deeper dive into the men who have stepped up with their experiences of being groomed…
Age of Men Who Were Groomed
Note that 9.4% of our respondents were aged 18-20 This is only a three year age group - a third of the other age band - so the likelihood of being groomed will, in reality, be more like be more like 24%pro rata. (In this 'cohort' there are clear signs in responses of grooming by education 'professionals'.)
46.8% of our male respondents were groomed by another male, 37.5% were groomed by a woman. 12.5% were groomed by more than one person;
60% of respondents were single; 32% are/were married or co-habiting;
many respondents didn’t complete questions about their ethnic origin - no conclusions can be drawn;
14.7% of respondents reported having a disability, compared to 22% of the UK male population, DWP figures, although 2021 census figures were 16.5% for England, and 19.(% for Wales - indicating that disability does not make men more likely to be groomed than men without a disability. However: our sample size was a lot smaller than that of female respondents, and not all were British.
Only two men had reported to the police: one reported attempted blackmail, and one reported rape;
Their groomers were a mix of men and women, and the groomers believed objectives were usually sex or money, but overridingly sex/power - our comparatively small sample, however, makes drawing conclusions potentially misleading. We believe it’s an indication, but proceeed with caution if using this fact for decision making;
Almost half of male respondents were targetted online, a very different picture (higher) than women, who are more likely to be targetted in person. However, we reiterate that our our sample is fairly small, and this should therefore be viewed as an indicator rather than a generalisation.
Our analysis:
Our research results are a long, long way from the 'young woman ripping off an older rich guy' grooming narrative we so often hear in fiction!
We are committed now to completing a project similar to our dating sites project one that is complete, but this time for universities, to see how they handle grooming: unbelievably, when we checked recently, many do not have policies regarding tutors relationships with students.
Our commitment to change
As we rework our research questionnaire, we’ll factor in different ways to hear men’s voices.
Consequences of Grooming for Men
Men were a lot more taciturn. (Women were far more vocal about the consequences of grooming.)
Attempted suicide rates were high amongst men who had been groomed (10.6%). We obviously don't know about actual suicide rates. (In the UK , men are three times more likely than women to die by suicide.)
27.7% of the men who responded noted damaged relationships as one of the worst consequences of having been groomed;
25.5% of male respondents had been left with trust issues<,
23% of our male respondents suffered financially;
Men are, according to other studies, 32% less likely to consult their GP than women. As referals for counselling are often by GP referral, this may explain, in tiny part, why only half of our male respondents were offered or sought out counselling.
Is this a Reflection on Counselling?
We are now looking at this question closely. What we do know:
Less than 20% of registered counsellors are men.
Counselling has been largely influenced and defined by men: Sigmund Freud, Aaron Beck, Fritz Perls (Gestalt therapy), Maslow... but has it been designed for men or for 'hysterical women'? (For centuries, "hysteria" was used as a diagnosis for most women's issues, even to have them locked away if they were inconvenient.)
We are looking at a training course, for counsellors based on the data we’ve been privileged to accumulate, to try and get better resolution for the targets of grooming. Part of this MUST include modules on the special needs of men who’ve been groomed.
Who’s grooming men?
57% of our sample reported being groomed by another man; 29.4% by women; and 17% by a group of people.
There are deeper complexities to this and our sample was small, but this result cannot be ignored.
There are some silent voices in our data, waiting to emerge, and we will be restructuring our research to better capture men’s experiences: we want and need to capture their experiences in a better way.
The Role of Family and Friends
Family and friends form the backbone of support for our male respondents. Yet we know that this can be damaging to those relationships (data to follow) and less than fully supportive.
A separate analysis of this will follow. However, we already have some advice and guidelines to help family and friends in the planning stages.
Workplace Grooming
Some of our male targets were clearly subjected to workplace grooming.
This is one of the tranches of data we have yet to analyse in depth, but employers need to be part of this conversation: grooming is a workplace issue;
On the upside for me, men do seem less likely to be ousted from their jobs than women as a consequence of workplace grooming, although our sample may be too small to be drawing a potentially misleading conclusion from.
How can we make this better for men?
Actions we’ll be taking:
looking at a more varied offering of counselling for men;
introducing other ways for men to talk about their experiences;
at the suggestion of one of one of our respondents, we will be looking at new ways for men to tell their stories. perhaps a periodical group.
Any any men reading this - feel free to conatct us with suggestions.
