The Lexicon of Abuse: Negging

Negging: insults veiled as compliments

Negging is the practice of insulting or undermining someone in the belief that diminished self-confidence will make them more receptive to sexual advances. Oxford Dictionary online, May 2026

Negging is short for ‘negative feedback’. In reality it’s an apparent compliment with a veiled insult, designed to undermine the recipients, and is a tactic, knowingly or not, often used by groomers.

Examples

A compliment or flirtatious remark comes with a barb.

An example might be: “Fat girls don’t normally wear such tight dresses, but you look great in it” or “I don’t normally date anyone with wrinkles, but yours are deep laughlines so I’m making an exception”.

Or “It’s a good job I love you - no-one else would put up with that!”

History

The term ‘negging’ was popularised in the manosphere by a group who self identify as ‘Pickup artists’ - men whose primary aim is to bed as many women as possible to prove male dominance.

Pickup artists (PUAs)are a group of men who seduce women, or try to, using a form of manipulation referred to as "game" - the connotation being something that you hunt, fair game for just daring to be a woman. It’s invidious: the ‘negger’ seems to to be offering a compliment/support, but their real motive is to undermine their confidence.

It’s also a nod to the manosphere ‘bible’: the Neil Strauss’ book called Rules of the Game (an instruction book on dating and seduction.

Erik von Markovik, who wrote the book ‘Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed’ (2007), and various publications since, is most usually credited with initially popularising the term ‘negs’.

His reasoning is that negging isn’t specifically rejection of a woman, but because she’ll sense that you’re not even even trying to impress her she’ll start to become curious. I’ve read in other places that the technique can create a kind of dependency - a longing for a genuine compliment.

Why it matters in adult grooming

Negging is particularly invidious for the recipient.

It’s very hard to fight back against a compliment, and may be seen as simply a character trait, or well-meaning but a little off.

Those who experienced coercive control will know that it’s a common tactic for coercive controllers. (Move over, PUAs - coercive controllers were here first! With apologies for the dark humour.)

Loss of self worth is one of the many issues that people are left with by adult grooming. Negging can only exacerbate this.

If you know about it, are aware of it, you can see it for the red flag that it is - both that someone may be a ‘pickup artist’ and therefore their expectations of a relationship are more ‘use and dispose of’ than long term; or as a sign that someone may be prone to coercive controlling.

Do men get ‘negged’?

Pickup artists. The monosphere. These are things that generally affect women, as its generally MRAs (Mens Rights Activists) who propound ‘negging’ and use it deliberately as a relationship tactic.

However, their ‘ownership’ of the term negging doesn’t mean they invented the activity behind it.

Passive aggressive behaviour (indirect aggression) has been around since time immemorial, and coercive control is now widely recognised as something all genders can mete out on others.

So, in a nutshell, YES! They can experience negging behaviours as easily as women. It’s divisive behaviour, designed to harm, whether conscious or unconscious. No one gender has a monopoly on that.

Need more? Mind.Help has some more examples of negging in a wider context: Mind.Help on Negging