Lexicon of Abuse: The Five F’s

The “5 Fs of trauma” refer to our survival instincts when faced with something threatening or traumatic.

They are:

1.       Fight: (confronting danger head on);

2.       Flight: running/fleeing from danger;

3.       Freeze: staying still or stiff; doing nothing, zoning out;

4.       Fawn: trying to appease or people-please to avoid the conflict;

5.       Flop: going limp or slack to lessen pain in a conflict situation.

What does this mean when an adult has been groomed?

The five F’s are particularly useful to know when we are trying to help someone who is, was or might be being groomed.

One important message is that just because you expect someone to react a certain way, it doesn’t mean that they will.

Knowing these responses are trauma responses may help you to understand why the grromer’s target didn’t see things coming, or leave when they did realise.

1.       Victims may seem to get aggressive or overwraught  when discussing the grooming – either because they don’t recognise that they are being groomed, or because they have realised what has happened to them and are shocked.

2.       Victims may feel overwhelmed or attacked if confronted with the grooming, or feel overwhelmed by the situation. They may just be processing things and too confused or upset to address the situation. The whole thing may simply feel too overwhelming.

3.       Victims may not be able or ready to articulate what has happened or is happening. They may not trust. They may not have processed events or fear victim blaming (which is really common).

4.       Conflict can be traumatising. Victims are trying usually to negotiate a reality which isn’t what they had expected or hoped for.

In short – there is no set way to react to grooming. There is no set way to help people deal with it. Open ears and oèn minds can help.