Book review: Chosen
Chosen is a ‘from the heart’, true story account written by the incredible Melanie Graham. It’s just joined our list of highly recommended reading.
Divorce may be tough for most of us, but imagine having perhaps married someone but being unsure – and worse still, having ties and lies manufactured around your reality that you can never guarantee will ever be fully broken.
Although Melanie Graham was clearly groomed for money by lifestyle conman Raymond McDonald, Ray, Melanie’s account of this fraudster shows clearly just how it’s not the money that hurts that most. It’s the betrayal. The lost trust, the fear for us and those around us. And the repercussions.
I expect she’d have other, better, words. She’s brilliantly eloquent.
Ray, AKA Mark, with who knows how many other surnames (including Bailes, it transpires in the book), met Mel on a dating site. He used the surname Owens for Mel, and went to great lengths to hide the truth from her, even when they ‘married’ , romantically, in Dubai.
This is a tale of classic financial grooming (fraud), but Mel does something that’s really hard to do: she tells you how each stage genuinely felt, even though you know from the oust how this story is destined to end. I hope readers can imagine just how hard this is to articulate. Her vulnerability, her honesty, her strength, her excitement, tell the story as it should be told – from her perspective, stage by stage, a far from boring or ‘bogged down in unnecessary detail’ roller coaster ride.
At risk of ‘bigging him up’, Ray is not just any groomer. He’s a scummy career groomer who was dishonourably discharged from the army, although this doesn’t form part of this tale, and nor does it need to - I jsut don’t want to sprinkle any vision of glamour or cleverness on this man.
Cunning. Devious. Deliberate. He’s way more than a fraudster. He’s been surrounding himself with people who have genuinely loved or cared for the person he lead them to believe he was. He’s made a living without working. Love fraud is his job. He’s been in and out of prison. He doesn’t care.
Dating sites are a rich hunting ground for him. This is his full time occupation. Prison’s just a lifestyle choice. All he has to do to succeed is base his lies around enough truths to create trust, and his targets, the ‘chosen’ ones of the book’s title, are genuinely nice, intelligent people whose only mistake was to go looking for love at a time whilst he was on the prowl.
Chosen is beautifully crafted. At every stage, Mel presents the not only the truth but how it felt as it was happening, showing clearly the ‘parallel universe’/’down the rabbit hole’ dynamic that these fraudsters create.
Ray managed her reality every stage – and is still trying hard not to lose that control. But he’s not going to win. He’s picked a smart, well supported adversary.
The book has the odd typo, but its form is unusual and engaging– really well written. There are moments of tension and drama, such as when Ray’s alone in Mel’s house with her dogs, but clearly suspicious that she knows the truth. A veiled, unspoken threat is there brooding, as Mel must race home to try and ensure their safety. There’s the call that comes in busting his identity whilst she’s sat with him and must move without creating suspicion. This isn’t a boring linear story – it’s a journey you travel with her.
If you have ever felt that coercive control isn’t real domestic abuse, this book is a must read to explain how that couldn’t be any further from the truth. (The first time a punch lands, you know the truth with violent abusers. Ray’s kind of control and manipulation has you doubting yourself, rather than - or whilst - doubting the perpetrator.)
The people around the ‘couple’ were as groomed as Melanie was. Ultimately this is her story, but neither she, her daughter, nor the people around Ray, escape unaffected by his actions. Whilst it’s her story, there are others bubbling away in the background. She was far from alone in being deceived.
She has worked so hard, so methodically to tell her truth. But still made this book a great read.
To bust the man who needs busting.
And in the process, exposing how some of our systems, designed to protect us, fail us.
She had her day in court, for what it was worth. The system in place to protect victims failed to let her know he was free having served just a quarter of his sentence (despite warnings and repeat offending), and he, having contacted her constantly, still seems to have believed he was still in charge.
And the unbearable, unpalatable truth is that, right now, he probably is until he’s back behind bars.
He’s breached an order not to use her address. She’s being dragged through the system all over again, at a time when she deserves to be rebuilding her life. The story doesn’t end with the book. Contained within its covers are a beginning, a middle and an end, but for Melanie the story continues.
Recommended reading
Graham, Melanie. March 2026. Chosen. The True Story behind the BBC Documentary ‘Are we dating the same fraudster?’. Publisher Melanie Graham. On Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Chosen-Ms-Melanie-Graham/dp/106764170X
