Ten Pointers Toward Choosing the Right Counsellor for You
Having the wrong counsellor can be worse than having no counsellor at all. You wouldn’t buy a house without making checks - your mental health is way more important than any house purchase. Yet knowing what to ask, and feeling embarrassed about asking, can hold you back.
So how can we get it right?
Most counsellors will offer a free introductory chat before they take you on as a client. This isn’t just for them to find out about you, and you are not obliged to work with them. If the ‘chemistry’ is wrong, polietely say you’re still looking and move in. This is hard when you are desperate for help, but the wrong therapist for you won’t be able to help you, however well meaning or well qualified they are. mutual trust and respect are non/negotiables when it comes to starting a counselling relationship.
Make sure you understand what kinds of therapy they offer, and consider whether that’s right for you.
Will the sessions be face to face or online? Face to face the counsellor can offer you a box of tissues, read your body language and catch more facial and physical cues about what’s happening for you, but the time and location may be an issue for you or for them. Only you can decide what’s right for you.
Make sure you understand the payment terms. Nothing damages a relationship faster than payment misunderstandings.
You will need to give it time. Once session may make you feel better. Another may leave you drained. Talk to your potential counsellor and see what they say regarding minimum terms and terminating the relationship.
Holidays. Theirs and yours. What will happen about payments? And are there any landmark dates such as anniversaries for you that you know you’ll need help around.
Missed appointments: you can expect to be charged for these, but check your counsellors policy.
A counsellor should belong to an organisation accredited by the Professional Standards Authority. Check they haven’t been suspended or barred by any of the authorities. Ask them about their qualifications.
What are their rules for contact between sessions? What will happen if you need urgent help between appointments? This will allow them to set expèctations and boundaries from the start and leave you clear about how and when it’s OK to contact them.
What kinds of therapy do they offer? What does it entail and does it feel right for you?
Red Flags
A counsellor should NEVER initiate physical contact or a relationship with you.
You may start to develop feelings for them - it’s natural when you develop a close and trusting relationship - but this should never be acted upon.
Your counselling session should be about you, not them. They’re human. They may be triggered, saddened, sickened by hearing about what’s happened to you. But they should be going through a process called supervision to help them deal with this. It is not your job to protect or counsel them.
It’s OK to look them up online. If there’s anything that makes you concerned or uncomfortable, either address it with them or their governing body.
Breaking it Off
Counselling isn’t always easy. You’ll cover some difficult ground. You’ll have frustrations and ‘lightbulb moments’. So feeling safe with your counsellor and being prepared to stick with it , knowing what to expect and feeling it’s right for you are the foundations to getting it right from the start.
You need to think carefully - are the reasons you’re struggling due to your own trauma, the subject matter you’re covering, difficuñlty trusting? If so, try talking to your counsellor about how you’re feeling.
But if you’ve given it a go, and it isn’t you, it’s them, it’s always OK to say that this counsellor, or their type of therapy, isn’t right for you. If you’ve been groomed, you don’t need more trauma.
If you’re feeling it, they may be too, but professionally they’re more obliged to stick with it than you are. You may be doing them a favour as well.
